Skip to content

The stigma around domestic violence still strong despite recent campaigns

Expert says that there is still a culture of shame surrounding victims of domestic violence
30781903_web1_221028-HSL-noviachen-domestic-abuse_1
According to the government of Canada in 2019, of the 107,810 people, aged 15 and over, who reported experiencing intimate partner violence (IPV) to the police, 79 per cent were women. (MorningbirdPhoto/Pixabay)

Despite the progress made in recent years, there is still a lot of misconception around domestic violence and what it looks like.

The month of November is approaching and with it, another year of Purple Lights Nights comes to end. Purple Lights Nights is a month long campaign, held in October, that raises awareness about domestic violence and provides support for those in abusive situations. For many people, domestic abuse is a daily reality. According to the government of Canada in 2019, of the 107,810 people, aged 15 and over, who reported experiencing intimate partner violence (IPV) to the police, 79 per cent were women. In 2018, three in 10 women (29 per cent), 15 to 24 years of age, reported experiencing one incident of IPV. This percentage increased for women from minority groups, especially Indigenous women.

“All women of different age, gender, race, social class, sexual orientation, and ability can be subject to violence,” said Novia Chen, who works for the Hope and Area Transition Society (HATS) as a Domestic Violence Outreach worker. “I’ve heard of so many strong, independent women [who are] actually victims of domestic violence. It can happen to any type of relationship no matter what your social status is.”

Chen, who holds a Ph.D in Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s studies, says there are still many misconceptions and myths surrounding domestic violence and what it looks like. One misconception is the idea that victims deliberately put themselves in a situation — through the way they dress, staying in a relationship, missing red flags — to be abused and that they were “asking for it.” She says that those ideas fail to address how many abusive behaviours are built into our society.

“It’s about power and control…and it’s socially constructed” says Chen. “Many of the behaviors are learned behaviors, probably from their parents, grandparents — from the way they see how their colleagues are, or how their peers interact with each other. I often like to talk about gender roles, how men are asked to be masculine, and how women are asked to act feminine…men are given this kind of dominant position. [And they’re asked] to exert their control through showing aggressive behaviours, and being tough by not showing their vulnerability. And all of that ties into the household [and relationships].”

That being said, Chen says that the responsibility lies with the abuser to not be abusive, not the victim.

“Some of the other myths include how drugs and alcohol cause abuse. And they’re kind of scapegoats,” says Chen. “The research shows that not all men who drink are abusers. In fact, most men who drink are not abusers. And on the contrary, [abusive] men tend to use alcohol and drugs as an excuse. They’ll say, ‘it’s because I don’t have access to alcohol or drugs, that makes me violent.’ It’s just an excuse for their violent behaviour…there’s no cause and effect when it comes to drugs and alcohol, so its helpful to kind of separate those ideas.”

Chen says this violence can be separated into five categories: physical, sexual, emotional or psychological, financial, and spiritual. And the definition of each can look different for each victim. However, a few forms of emotional abuse includes isolating victims from friends and family, gaslighting, manipulation, insulting, restricting activities, and consistently crossing boundaries.

Another misconception is the idea that domestic abuse can only occur in romantic relationships.

“Some call it intimate partner violence. Sometimes it’s called family violence or violence in relationships,” says Chen. “[But] it’s violence that occurs in relationships of trust and dependency.”

Part of the problem, Chen says, is that these misconceptions, along with the public’s current understanding of domestic abuse, can make it difficult for people to seek help if they’re in an abusive situation. This includes the idea that domestic abuse is “feminized” or something that only happens, or commonly happens, to women — which makes both male and female victims unwilling to speak up about it; men fear they’ll be seen as weak and less masculine for allowing themselves to be in this situation; women fear they’ll be seen as weak and less feminine for complaining about it and not “taking care of their family” better.

“Part of the prevalence of domestic violence is how it is stigmatized,” says Chen. “There’s shame around it. And it’s treated as a private matter. And when people think, ‘oh, it’s something shameful to talk about, it’s something that just happens at our home,’ then [victims] are more hidden. And they [can’t] seek help when they feel shameful talking about it.”

Chen says that the stigma and shame surrounding domestic abuse needs to be replaced with compassion and acceptance. She says it’s important for the public to understand that victims aren’t at fault for experiencing domestic violence.

“It’s really important that we make domestic violence a public issue,” says Chen. “It’s a public health issue. Keeping domestic violence a secret helps no one. It has been shown to harm children and has incurred substantial costs to the society…I think privatization and the kind of, feminization of domestic violence, has probably been two of the main causes of it.”

In Hope, there are resources available to help those facing domestic abuse. These services are available year-round:

n Jean Scott Transition House (call at 604-869-5191, text at 604-869-1872),

n Victimlink BC (1-800-563-0808)

n Victim Services (604 869-7770)

n ReadRight Society (604-860-0510)

n Ann Davis Transition Society (604-869-3201)

n SAIL Senior Abuse Information Line (1-866-437-1940)

n Kids Help Phone (call at 1-800-668-6868, text at 686868)

You can also contact Novia Chen, and the Hope and Area Transition Society Domestic Violence Services (604-869-1883)

READ MORE: Shining a light of hope and help for victims of domestic violence


@KemoneMoodley
kemone.moodley@hopestandard.com

Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.



Kemone Moodley

About the Author: Kemone Moodley

I began working with the Hope Standard on August 2022.
Read more