Domestic violence against men has been and still is hidden behind closed doors, even more so than for women. Whether it’s a matter of shame or loss of male dignity, being considered weak or many other reasons, it’s a national problem that deserves our attention.
Does the term ‘hen-pecked’ ring a bell? Loosely defined, it means browbeaten, bullied, or intimidated by one’s wife, girlfriend, etcetera. A henpecked husband who never dared to contradict his wife. More often than not, this behaviour is public and serves to embarrass the man. The important question is this: If a woman does this to a man – in public – what could possibly happen in private? The statistics show that domestic violence against men is grossly overlooked. The proof of this is supported by social workers, therapists, counsellors and other professionals who take care of men who are subject to domestic violence and yet are reluctant to share their experience or seek help.
An array of social and psychological barriers keeps abused men from coming forward. The greatest thing that hinders men from seeking help is shame — that if you’re suffering in an unsafe relationship you’re not a real man. We must keep in mind that domestic violence is not merely physical abuse, but rather ranges from psychological, self-esteem being the primary, to financial, sexual and emotional. Of course, if the abuse or violence becomes physical and if the police become involved, then it becomes a different matter entirely, just as it does with women who are abused or experience domestic violence.
Domestic violence does not discriminate. It can occur in any relationship regardless of the type and is not limited to heterosexual partnerships. Finding solutions to prevent it, deal with it and help victims heal is up to each of us and our communities. We must offer resources and support to men and women struggling with this devastating problem that causes ripples of damage to families, friends and society itself.
The first step is awareness. That can mean sharing with a friend, a relative or a professional who can intervene and help provide access to resources. It is a very private, personal problem that should not incur any shame. It all comes down to respect — respect for each other and self-respect, which is the first ‘victim’ of domestic abuse.
If you know someone – a man or a woman – who is being victimized, please speak up. Speak to them, speak to professionals who can offer help or advice and speak out so that we as a community can put an end to this destructive behaviour that knows no boundaries of gender or social class.
For more information or resources, contact RCMP Victim Services at 604-869-7770.