With the advent of home theatres and an endless list of movies to watch, going to an actual movie theatre is somewhat of a novelty these days.
Now, I’m not quite old enough to describe it as going to the picture show, but I fondly recall the good old days of my youth and Saturday nights spent inside the darkened confines of the local theatre. In my hometown, that theatre was called the Roxy.
The Roxy fell under the wrecking ball decades ago, but during its reign in the small town I grew up in, it was a rite of passage to receive your first pre-pubescent kiss in the glow of whatever Disney movie your first date wanted to see.
And while going to the cinema was always a treat, today’s movie-going experience has become a bit of a luxury. It’s no cheap date, even when you take in the special deal Cineplex is offering every Tuesday during the month of January.
While the movie itself is deeply discounted at $5, it’s the peripheral items that can quickly inflate the bottom line.
No movie-going experience is complete without the snacks. But, at $27 for a large popcorn, drink and bag of candy, it borders on the insane.
I’m no genius (and yes, many have said it), but the sum total of ingredients for the concession deal couldn’t possibly add up to more than a few bucks.
I’m not saying I didn’t strap on that feedbag of popcorn. I know you can make popcorn at home, but it just doesn’t taste the same as the theatre version. I barely made it out of the movie trailers before I had half the bag gone. Washed it down with the keg of pop they give you and felt disgusting by the start of the feature film. I did quietly applaud myself for leaving room for the bag of strawberry Twizzlers I was salivating over in the concession lineup.
The average movie theatre large popcorn with butter weighs in at an astonishing 1,500 calories. The Twizzlers pack a whopping 18 grams of sugar, and the keg of pop, well, thankfully it was a Diet Coke (I’m not a complete glutton. But yeah, aspartame… cancer… blah, blah, blah).
I think part of the charm and allure of home theatres is the absence of strangers within your close proximity. Yes, I know it seems like people are less social than ever, living in our silos, and never rubbing elbows with the great unwashed, but Tuesday’s experience kinda reminded me why.
Despite the policy trailers the theatre ran before the movie explaining how annoying excess chatter, cellphone use and crying babies are (maybe a hot take, but babies just shouldn’t be allowed in theatres), the good folks behind us transgressed almost of those suggestions. Now, granted, they might not have known this having arrived a full five minutes after the movie began.
The cheap night movie we watched, Gladiator 2, a sand and sandals sequel that I’m not sure needed to be made, wasn’t overly complicated… plot wise. But the good folks behind us were obviously having a hard time following along as they kept up a running commentary on what was happening on the big screen… and not in a sotto voce kind of way.
And, to add butter to the popcorn (sure, why not, this is a column about movie going), one of the good folks behind us even forgot to turn off his cellphone. And, to our amazement, he actually took a call halfway through the movie. Cojones, very large cojones.
I’m sure I’ll be back, but for now, I’ll stick with the light and shadow of my 65-inch OLED home theatre. Besides, it’s going to take me a month to work off that popcorn.
Ken Goudswaard is the editor of the Abbotsford News.