Oct. 1 marks the start of Purple Light Nights, our Domestic Abuse awareness campaign for the month of October. This initiative started in Covington Washington to help raise awareness of domestic abuse and offer support to those who have been harmed by it. On Oct. 1st from 6 to 7 p.m. we are inviting everyone to join us in Memorial Park to help shine a light on domestic violence. Join the community for our annual tree lighting and peace walk. Share in the words of hope, songs inspiring us and feeding our spirit and wonderful treats and beverages fuel us. It is a family event and we hope you will bring your children and your parents. Women, men, youth, children, seniors, community leaders all are welcome and invited to attend.
Our theme this year is respect. As with our past themes of love and kindness, respect speaks to how we treat others and how we want others to treat us. On this day and throughout the month we hope you can remember those that have suffered the effects of domestic violence and through your actions and words bring hope to others who may be struggling with these issues.
READ MORE: Purple Lights shining brighter than ever in Hope
Many people live with the effects and impact of family and domestic violence. Often it is hidden from others. A well-kept secret that only those within the family know about…or so we like to think.
This month is about lifting the veil of secrecy and fear that surrounds violence and control that happens in our home or in our personal relationships. It is not always physical. It can be controlling ones access to friends, not allowing the partner to work or leave the house, no separate income or money, insults, threats, takes the keys to the car, controls cellphone and can monitor email and social media accounts, insists on withdrawal from family supports, decides what you can wear and who you can visit etc. Abuse can take many forms and can be physical, emotional, psychological or spiritual. While the physical assaults are often more obvious and can leave marks and visible injuries it is the other forms of abuse that are more common and long-lasting. In the words of those that have lived this:
“Nothing was what it seemed…not a relationship but a war zone. I felt powerless, alone and exhausted. A constant state of fight or flight and being hyper-vigilant. It was like walking around waiting for the other shoe to drop. I knew I was dealing with post-traumatic stress. He would take and take until I had nothing left to give and I felt like I had reached the bottom…he took away myself. I found the strength to leave and now I have the freedom to be myself again. My life is my own.”
“He took control over all the decisions in our family. I had no money and could not buy anything without his permission. He pulled me away from my family. He did not like them and he did not want me to spend time with them. I made excuses because I was ashamed and afraid of what he would do to me or other members of my family.”
“ It was too scary to ask for help. I did not know what I even needed or who could even help me. I did not like myself very much and I believed him when he said I was a piece of garbage and no one would believe me because I was worthless. He called me awful things and was constantly putting me down. When someone does that to you all the time you start to believe what they say. You believe that no one cares or can help you.”
“ We all walked around scared of saying or doing the wrong thing. Never knew what would make him angry. He would threaten to hurt me if I spoke about the abuse and he told me he would kill me. I started to believe I deserved it. When I was a kid this happened in my home. It sounds crazy but that was normal to me and I believed if someone loves you then that is just what happens.”
READ MORE: Violence creates ripple effect
We have a great month of activities planned with respect being the cornerstone of all that we are doing.
All elementary school kids will be getting the chance to do our respect colouring sheets where they can draw a picture, write a piece of poetry or some graphic artwork that shows what respect means to them:
Oct. 17 – Youth Forum: The Maple Batalia Story – Maple was a young woman from Surrey who was killed by her ex-boyfriend in 2011. A documentary was made on her story and will be the focus of a school forum for teens at Hope and Agassiz secondary schools. The filmmaker and friends of Maple will join us for this workshop
Oct. 17 is wear Purple Day - so please everyone remember to wear purple on this day.
Oct. 20 is a hot dog fundraiser at Save On Foods.
Please check out our Facebook page Purple Lights of Hope for more details on upcoming events.